Quaisx

XII ~ Life and Wisdom to Forget

CHAPTER XII
(Life and Wisdom to Forget)

It was nearly close to the yearend, citizens began to be active nowadays. As for me, I was ready to stop playing Dance Battle Audition, my memories will remain but life must go on. Each time I saw posters and players playing that game, I bear in mind of a girl, the one I truly adore who left me. The one whom I called chit-chatter, the one who taught me essential lessons in my life, the one who opened my compassion to interact virtually and what people say’s it FRIENDS. It is a new era where new games are emerging all over, and thinking if I ought to decide to play another games to overlook the game that marked my mind. I worked at the plant spending twelve hours and watching DVD movies at my portable DVD I’ve bought for the past few weeks to amuse myself rather than going back handling mouse and a keyboard again. Alone in my room, I was fed up, watching countless of movies. Even anime’ series just to entertain myself alone in my dark room, neither it doesn’t help after all. I felt my hands are numbing, due to either of the fact that I can’t practice or playing the game ever again. The hell I care, the most significant things of my life is to work hard for that to endow some money for the upcoming months.

Yet again being jaded of my life working and watching different kinds of movies. I felt emptiness or blankness within; I missed playing with my friends online and giggle with them at the same time. So I resolute to go at the computer café to look for players I can play with. Hopefully finding various challengers in Defense of the Ancients game in Warcraft, and so after playing some time I gained some friends. An existent one, which I may well converse by just talking to them and not typing neither posting message on forums. We played in group and special tactics for us to win. At night we discuss everything, we trek into different kinds of computer café’s to battle teams which plays the same game and at times we’d be defeated, luckily we won somehow by gaining experience of the game. Even if we were playing the Warcraft customized map, we play Rising Force Online and Pirate King Online. As for me, I play Need for Speed Racing game at my room from time to time. Every particular moment of my life doesn’t bore me at that time, I was working, subsequently playing with my friends, at midnight every so often joins them in a drinking session which boys and men actually do, or sometimes I play alone with my latest game in my room. Otherwise buying pirated DVD copy of different movies and anime and watch them alone.

Forgetting something is simple even if it was your loved game by merely diverting into something else, but haunting into my dreams sometimes was difficult to disregard. The chit-chatter girl, she was always in my dream, I wonder what was she or how was she doing right now? So I e-mailed her and receive an answer the day after. She said that she was doing fine and working stiff, though she misses something. Thanking and gratefully that I mailed her for the reason that she misses me already and wanting to play audition again, but still willing to end and continue to pursue her goals in life. I told her that I missed her too and I’ve stop playing audition for the past few months to focus on my work. Still we were happy in our own ways, and for that we settled in one thing. That on future we rely on our own hands moreover not as a child who rely on their parents. It is a piece of life that we must devote in, for us to strive in an ever-changing world of scarcity and famine. Neither can’t alter the fact nor modify that course of which we humans must go on. That life is basically tough and for that we should be sturdy and tough to stand whether how countless of tides would arrive in our way.

XI ~ I Am Phantom

CHAPTER XI
(I Am Phantom)

Together with my family we played dozens of games and have fun all around. Others coupled with each other except for me. Plainly I want to formulate those girls to feel how imperative she is, so as to girls ought to be loved and cherished. Friends in my family gave me intuition of being a “playboy” or “chick boy” for the reason that of being flirty with girls every time a girl passes in our room. Displaying every kinds of sweet loving words but believes me. Not a single one of them make us couple in-game, still I desire a girl like the lady who alter me the way I played this game. Members of the family mutually we laugh around anything under the sun. Some members of the club are noisy and constantly around, others are respected, others create a form that makes them important and others are just joining the club itself.

After sometime drifting in the forums, I saw a post that what other auditioners called “monsters” rove in the midst of the night and dawn. This gave me thrill and by some means challenges my ability. Again thus playing whole day with my family then at the break of midnight I go wander at some rooms playing with high skill level players, without arrogance and conceit like I used to do before. But as I projected, I lose many times than winning. Is it a twist of fate that I lose more or is it that I became weak ever since I have friends? Still I desire to have my old skills, and craving for challenging those so called monsters. Gaining my skills while having friends is easier said than done but still I want to have those to become much stronger than I am right now. Without doubt they impress me with those skillfulness and moves on the dance floor. Once I thought so as to they are not human with those abilities and prefer to myself that they are really monsters in the game, but still I perform all day long. Not noticing that the game is eating me the whole time. Spending countless of hour’s everyday and playing the game innumerable of times with those so called monsters. I’ve met a small number of skilled players in audition even the high ranking players. Others crushed me into a pulp fortunately other battles somehow I manage to won. Others recognize me and others just merely passed by as their great foe.

Months passed and as for my family… Mostly the members of the club began to be inactive posting and playing the game due to several troubles on their real life. Others go online chatting one-on-one and the gatherings stopped up for a while. The club became lame and thus I presume that the club was lifeless. Those fun and excitement from the past was vanishing rapidly in each day passing us by. Some members of the family left and some stay but become inactive in the forums and on game. I actually don’t know if there is a recent divergence or conflict within each member but still every argument can be solved if all the family members are responsive of it? So as for me, I still go on living through dawn challenging excellent opponents on game and have this recognition. I gained friends on a unusual level by having them a fine game.

And as a result this was the time that I really certain to quit within the game, for the reason that I have gained my true goals of it. First was to become stronger in game, second was to achieve friends, third is the sentiment of being respected, acknowledged and cherished like the lady told me and fourth is to attain the high status of being recognized by almost all high level players. I didn’t even left a note in my club seeing as the club is quiet and dull. I thought they all left and I was the one enduring on that club. I decided to vanish from my family members since I know by some means others won’t simply understand. I wish for them to think of me as a phantom or as a shadow from the past. But still my club was my second home. Departing our own ways seems to be complex to comprehend but still that is the routine of life, the method of the internet world, the reality that which can’t be avoided. A fact that can’t be erased even from time to time, that ‘twas inevitable since we first started the game.

X ~ My Family

CHAPTER X
(My Family)

After a short time playing games with her for the final moment, enjoying every last of it however partially we grieve each other for departing and taking each own path in life. Conversing final topics or having again a fine conversation in the future.

“This would be my final game with you. I really thank you for your acquaintance of having a last game with me.” – she spoke.

“Me too… Thank you for all.” – I quickly replied.

“Be what you are right now. Friends will approach to you so many and respect you with all they have.” – she said.

On that last word of her I replied with a sweet smiley. And always she left a reply of that tender smiley of her. That time she left, I felt those down sentiment that I can’t help to respond. Running away and rest for a whole week and took even a month recline in my bed and doing a few stuffs, living and going on my life. The present life that I have to go on with it even though I truly missed her so much and the times we play each other with so much fun and thrill. All those laughs and jokes on game or even in the forums. I wish for to decide if I’m going to give up playing the game, like her also I want to keep on my life in the future. Since I have no friends to play with and enjoying the game by me isn’t my type any longer like before I used to.

Weeks passed and almost a month, I test out on the internet for e-mails and surfing the web. Yet again I stumbled within the community of audtioners and check some post elsewhere. New faces and new people although my club doesn’t diminish and still kicking alive. I drop a message of hello but others of my past and new club members don’t seem to be aware of me. Anyway it doesn’t concern me if they reply back or not. I’m quitting… Although some of my old club mates replied, I really don’t mind. As I lie onto my bed and rest asleep, I still dream and trance of her because of how in reality I really missed her. But she abruptly spoke of…

“Quitting is not the way that I taught you how?”

“You’re just letting your emotions on how I left compose you this rapid conclusion”

“The word FRIEND is not really me neither exactly by means of myself”

“Bear in mind what I’ve told you, gaining friends is complicated if you let your emotions get in the way.”

“…Always remember that…”

Immediately I woke up and comprehend those words, once more with her enlightenment she taught me again some meaning of how friends worked up, and settle on not to quit. I practice on my own gaining new skills and looking for some new friends. Every one is welcomed in my room. Then an old club mate of mine entered without faltering and greeted me, he said that he saw my post the other day and he would like to have friends with me.

“Sure!”

Thus we become good friends. In point of fact all on the club members treat me as good friend and I too for myself treated them as best friends of mine. Events and gatherings of the club in game or even in the forums were I didn’t expect to have this so much fun. The day I recognize for my part and so proud to be a member of PULSE OVERDOZE even though members of the club are little and not that good in playing the game. I haven’t found a friend like her but I have found a perfect folks that I can mingle and interact with. I vow to myself that until the day I quit audition, I will still be a part of that family.

IX ~ Everlastingly Shall Remain

CHAPTER IX
(Everlastingly Shall Remain)

At last the lady arrived and gave me yet again with that big smiley. At first I consider that she would go quite somehow rebuke me or grant me again with those enlightenment words, but she merely said…

“How are you?”

I want to talk first for forgiveness of my egotism; I want to tell her that I’m beyond doubt sorry for what I’ve made. But thus I can’t speak before her presence.

“I… I’m fine… Thank you!” – replied slowly that I am.

“Oh… Is that you? Thanking me for what?” the lady spoke out speedily.

“I… I want you to forgive me that I am definitely sure.”

“Nah! Don’t worry ‘bout that, come on let’s play!” she replied without hesitation.

My trouble in my heart felt like it was washed up and I knew that this sensation is in the border of the light that I am stepping in between darkness filled of conceit and arrogance and in the light full of enjoyment and laughter. We played with the guy whom I called back then a coward nevertheless we played several hours. Countless of times I won the game but still for them, winning is not significant. Winning is not the essence of the game itself. We discussed a lot of topics and chuckle about jokes in life. The lady and the man which I conflict before is the one that aid me throughout this vanity. I learned to smile and use similes.

After sometime I became a forum poster of formerly I called weak community of auditioners. I cultured a lot from them of how the game is very important than winning… Rather having acquaintances are the most vital of all. The fun is constantly there and never a single meet-up in the game forever amaze me and make me laugh each time we play. Still I kept winning but for me, it’s just a fine game. No competition of whatsoever, we all have fun together but that won’t last, the whole thing has to move toward for its end.

In a short time of late summer, when students began to go schooling for the year and people began to get busy for the midyear. Still I enjoyed playing and searching for posts in the forums, every one of my friends became busy because of their schooling and some are for their place of works. Still I don’t be bothered as long as the lady friend of mine is still present and still we play typically of our time. But unexpectedly when we played together for the very last time…

“Hey, I have to leave…”

“It’s been months since I’ve met you and you changed a lot than before that time we first met.”

“My parents and I decided that I would go to a new country for me to keep on my work.” – She replied constantly.
“After I went there, I would begin focusing on my work and the whole lot in my life.”

“Sorry for the short notice because I knew you would get upset and I knew you wouldn’t comprehend me if I say to you this before.”

“I’m really sorry… I think this is my last game with you.” – She replied uncomfortably jointly with that big smiley of her.

I can’t talk neither can’t reply on her. I was stunned and distress to know that this is her last game with me. I felt going unaided again, and the light was swiftly fading. The fear of not having her again, the difficulty that I can’t have a game with her once more makes my mind baffled. But on the second thought I must understand her the way she appreciate me before. So I replied her after several minutes that I become null because of what she says.

“I understand… I really do…”

“I want you to be joyful of what you are right now even if it hurts me a lot.”

“…and I’m really grateful for having a person like you and your friends.”

“…even though that I really like you a lot…”

And for that she easily replied with…

“You’ve become strong! Did you learn by heart what I’ve said to you the first time we met?”

“That being stronger obtains acknowledgement and generally appreciated by others.”

“My duty for you is finished... And you’ve become an excellent auditioner.”

“And I’m actually, truly proud of you.”

Again those sentimental words of hers yet it is online, my tears flowed into my look that I don’t distinguish why. It’s not that being sad neither a tear of joy that I am sensing right now? Thus ‘twas the feeling of being strong and being proud of having what we called in life FRIENDS. Still she continued with…

“I maybe elsewhere, but I will still keep in mind the guy whom I taught things in life.”

“…and that I can’t never disregard thus everlastingly it shall remain in my heart.”

VIII ~ Forgiven

CHAPTER VIII

(Forgiven)

My judgment is absolute, the sentiment of being acknowledged and loved are the one I desire after all. What she just held is now being paid understandable on my mind. I saw the faint brightness in the part full of viciousness and conceit. The way shadow fades going closer to that light.

“I must find and look for her!”

Powerful emotions fabricate up within my soul, at that case in point I launched the game and remain for several hours on the same channel we used to collide before.

“Where could she be?”

“I must make an apology with her!”

Against my troubled mind and searching extremely in every side on every channel, I met the guy whom I called him coward before.

“Hey! Where is your friend, the lady whom I played a few days ago?”

He hastily replied with…

“WHY!? I have no time with your self-importance!”

At that occasion I felt how I was so arrogant before and truly sorry for being so conceited back then. But that was history so I swiftly replied with…

“No! Look, I want to have a word with her and an apology as for you also.”

“I am sincerely sorry for calling you coward -- I apologize for being a self-centered player.”

After considering my post he paused quite long, so I sustained it with…

“Please forgive me for what I’ve done.”

Still he doesn’t reply…

“Anyhow I’ll just locate her all by myself. Thanks anyway and I’m really sorry.”

With a down conscience on my mind, I decided to depart the room; however before I could press the exit button all of a sudden he spoke…

“Wait! I’m whispering her right now!”

“She wishes to meet with you, so she’ll be coming here any minute by now.”

An immense relief plunge into my troubled heart, my thoughts from being tense became delight. My grimace expression slowly smiling in the midst of grief -- as seconds past by so was the pound of my heart, getting thrilled as I waited in a lenient room with a guy I called coward back then.

“I forgive you!” - abruptly he spoke.

“But be definite that this is not a child’s play of yours or else…”

Earlier than he could go on with with his words, I replied him on the double with…

“YES! Thank you very much! I am eager to adjust myself and have a group of good friends!”

“This is not a trick of yours aren’t they?” - quickly he asked.

“No! I guarantee you -- I want to see a new and better world than when I was before.” - I explained.

“I was back then in a room full of hatred and desire. My shadow is consuming me gradually until there is no one left in me!”

“But when I saw her posts and what she just said to me back then, she gave me some trust that my body, heart and mind are curing me -- that little by little disposes the bonds of darkness that are previously embracing me.”

After seeing my account, he regards with what I feel with…

“Alright, that’s reasonable enough to be forgiven. She is on the way!”

The information that she’s coming brimmed my heart with joy together with his forgiveness. I can’t wait, this is it!

A Like Letter

A Like Letter
By Sarah

*Female winner entry*

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.” – Neil Gaiman

You see that quote above? Of course, you do. You’re not a blind person, after all. And by the way, do you just know how that citation fits me? No, oh I suppose. Aye, did you even read it? Well, I’m not sure. I’m full of questions, ain’t I? But that’s just how my mind is right now – full of doubts and inquiries. Doubts and inquiries that never cease to put me in a state of anxiety, just like a thrombus on a coagulated blood vessel. Yet, despite those thrombi which you keep on casting off my path, I cannot help but feel happy whenever you become a well-renowned surgeon and ease me of the anguish I am feeling.

No longer swerving off the non-existent course, past the atmosphere and the phospholipid bilayers of numerous cell membranes, reaching out to the borders of invention, dude, I like you. Why, you ask? Your aesthetics’ is not even that well-morphed, your brain gleams with a green taint, you even curse a teeny-weeny bit, and you aren’t that reeking with sweetness, but why of all the organisms that existed in the biosphere, why you? Well, you’re wise, aren’t you? You even join Physics contests abroad. Then, could you please explain why I like you, because nor can I.

Remember the time when you kept on boasting your Chemistry score over mine because you got higher than me by a half-point? Remember the time when you told everyone in the boy’s dormitory that you thought I am the best one in all of our subjects except for Physics, because that’s your expertise? Remember the time when we were arguing which theorem to use in proving the Triangle Proportionality Theorem? Oh, how sweet it is to recall those hapless moments you made my heart palpitate and how you complete my day whenever you greet me “Hi Sarah” 10 times or more everyday.

Two months passed after that school year and I still cannot get-over my inclination towards you. If only you knew how I prayed, asking God to please let me be your classmate once again, you may have laughed hysterically at this stupidity of mine. And thank goodness, after summoning our ancestors and forgetting how I absolutely relied at science, we were once again traipsing the same path as we became classmates once again.

Six months fluttered by with nothing happening between the two of us - just banal classmates. I was only limited to glancing at you. If the scenario permitted, I am actually able to stare and admire your prowess in playing the guitar. I thought it would end there until you sent me a puzzle last Christmas:

x^2 + xy + z^2 = 14
x + y + 9z = 32
x^3 - y^2 + 9yz + 8x = 101

I almost choked when I found out the values behind those variables. I just don’t know whether I was just dreaming at that moment or the numbers behind those letters meant nothing at all.

After the Christmas vacation, you then asked me to be your promdate for the approaching promenade. And who am I to reject you? I’m just a girl seeking your attention after all. As the most recent school year just came to a halt, I cannot help but once again wish that our paths become entwined. But who knows what the future holds for us? Let us just wait and see, my dear.

As far as I can say, I can compare our relationship to one of the trigonometric identities of the circle. I’m sin^2theta and you are cos^2theta. Together we are one, we complement each other. Just like what Jack Johnson said, “We’re better together.”

Oh, and did I just say that I beg to disagree with Neil Gaiman's last sentence above? :D

From your one and only one admirer,
Sarah

A Story Of Love

A STORY OF LOVE
By Jap

*Male winner entry*

This poem that you shall read
Contains the words from my heart, I had freed
And in this poem, I confessed it all
Because this poem is not quite small

My heart back then was broken in two
And there was no one for me to turn to
But then you came along my way
And you gave me strength to live each day

At that moment, you fixed my heart
Repaired the pieces which were torn apart
And at that same moment, I said happily
That "I had really found the one for me"

I prayed to God that you'd feel the same
For my love for you is like a burning flame
If you'd say no, I think I'd die
And everyday I would do nothing but cry

But then you spoke to me one day
And these were the words you had to say:
"From the day I met you, I already loved you
And now I said it, I hope that you love me too."

To hear those words from you seemed never ending
And to me you are the most wonderful blessing
Apart from the world and all their worries
There's just you and me, and no boundaries

From today 'til forever, I will cherish this love
And I thank most the Almighty One above
For you are the best thing that happened to me
And I'll never let go, whatever there is may be

I shall not cheat, for you are the apple of my eye
And these words I promise, until the day I die
For you will always be my only one
And until death my love for you is never gone

Thoughts For You

THOUGHTS FOR YOU
By Pawee

Whenever I find myself alone, I think of you. Reminiscing those times you’ve been helping me through. And I just can’t force myself not to smile at your silly antics that make every time worthwhile. However, in the deepest part of my entirety, I still wonder. Can you even feel how my heart beats your name? Have you ever noticed that I am swept each time I hear you calling me? Or do you even know I love you? That I can go to places, too far as the eye can see, the moment I spot your gaze.
In silence, I imagine you and me as one. The thoughts of you locking me within those arms; and the protection it bestows. The warmth sends shivers down my spine in ways not everyone can discern. All the while I listen to songs; it’s your name that first enters my mind. The rhythmic ballads carry me to a vast space of make-believe. An unending avenue of “I hope’s” and “I wish’s”.
At times, I dream of you going through the same way I do. Yet, I tend to desert any optimistic possibilities for I don’t wanna lose all hope only to wake up recognizing these dreams have been mortified without even given a chance of realization. Freaky and weird as it may seem, but I also find it grueling not to have any expectations that someday you are gonna find yourself loving me…intricate, isn’t it? Coz here I am staying even though you’re pushing me away. Here I am holding on albeit you’ve chose to let me go. Here I am, loving you although your actions seem to tell me to forget.

A Promise

A PROMISE
By Macky

I sit here, looking back on memories
of a not so long ago time,
places we have been,
things you have said, plans we made..
I still feel your closeness,
the touch of your hand on my skin,
so warm, tender and sweet..

The feel of your arms enclosing me with comfort,
giving me a sense of security against my fears,
embracing me with love;
Your kiss filling me with a devotion
in which all have failed
to compare..

These are a few of the many things you have shown me,
that have meant the world to me..
And they are the things that bind your heart to mine,
and give me strength when I feel I can no longer be..

I know not the the depth of the pain I have caused in you
with the choices I have made, nor can I take them back,
Or ease the pain in your heart with simple words,
but this promise I will make..

I won't always be the best person,
I know I will make mistakes..
but I promise you I will be the best I can be,
whatever that may take.
I will give you the undying,
unconditional love that you so deserve,
without question, doubt or fear..

No distance can ever be too great,
nor will it stop my love for you;
I will love you and keep you in my heart;
and where ever life may take me, where I am,
there you will be..

And if my days shall be no more, my love will still not end,
for never will something come between our love again,
I will love you always,
through eternity..

VII ~ Truly Undeniable

CHAPTER VII
(Truly Undeniable)

As dawn is swiftly approaching, my distressed mentality gets dull and my hands got unruly the precedent hours. I can’t play like this nor ponder on defeating up junks of weaklings. Is this what acceptance and acknowledgment she was trying to say on me or a deception to have retribution through me? Is it a proposal offer of a friend or a foe? Is it really essential to choose either those two options? But I never felt this before, I felt diverse, I felt meaning with her, I felt being treasured, I felt a beam of light in the midst of darkness that is covering my mind and that I liked that sentiment. I quitted the game and reflect for a minute, I lay my back while sitting on my cold throne.

“Being strong doesn’t mean you’re expert!”
“Being strong is a person that is acknowledged, appreciated, idolizes and cherished!”

Is that true? That I can develop into much more stronger if I take her offer with me? I sense special on her, she is willing to believe me and offered me a proposal of closeness.

After that troubled day, I played dance audition so untimely as soon as the sun rises at the east. But still I couldn’t play as of this uncertainty over my mind. Bugging on my bothered mind, I quitted once the game started. Again I was enforced to check the Audition forums and look over the lady’s posts that made me a proposal of friendship. I couldn’t help it but to trail her posts and examine everything she just posted. On a second consideration, I felt some kind of admiration with her. Do I like her before now just because she is a fine and smooth “chit-chatter”? Then on her post I saw something amazing…

“I sort of liked this guy, so I presented him a friendship of proposal. He needs assistance and secondly I want him to be rather a good follower to all. I sense on him that he has this excellent guidance and a pleasant friendly sensation on him, but as of now he is still blind and walking into the lane of obscurity.”

I was astonished and shocked of her post, is she referring to me or some other guy with a similar state like me? Am I that blind and as she said walking into the path of unknown? That post strike me and goes all the way through my heart and my mind, and I’m eighty percent (80%) certain that she is referring to me! At that moment following a few minutes reading her earlier posts another one surprised me truly.

“If you don’t want to help him then I will. Perhaps I should give him my support, and later on he will be similar to me in the future. I presume I have to make what I’ve just said to him these past few days about being cherished and loved.”

My heart is pumping so rapidly, I can’t really identify what type of emotion it is. I saw her posts about being cherished and loved! I can’t overlook this neither can’t say NO to her. She is sincere in relation to what she just posts a while ago. Truly undeniable, therefore I should enlighten her that my answer would be YES!